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Those raw feelings of longing, yearning, needing and wanting to be in a relationship are very familiar to most of us adults. So is the confusion when you haven’t met your match, yet everyone around you appears to.

Maybe you’ve done all right in the relationship department over the last few years, but are still looking for ‘the one’. Maybe you’re a few days out of a recent break up, or maybe you’ve been single for far too long. Perhaps you’re still in a relationship, but in your mind checked out a while ago.

For many, the thought of being numero uno doesn’t sit well and seeking to remedy the uncomfortableness of that is the only way to go.

But is our need to be in a relationship what we really want or is it just by default? Our mind unconsciously pushing us into what we are evolutionarily ‘wired’ to do. Or maybe it’s an automatic tendency to take the social constructed pathway of pairing off once we reach adolescence. After all, isn’t coupling up what everyone does?

If you sit back and think about it, maybe being in a relationship is the last thing you should be doing. If any of these ring true for you, perhaps working on your solo time might be a better option, for now, anyway.

  1. You’re Stuck In The Past - The pain of past relationships can creep into the next one, especially when you haven’t given yourself time to process it, nor close it off. Getting over a previous relationship takes time, so make sure you are somewhat cleansed before embarking on a new partnership. You don’t want your old baggage sitting with in your next phase.

  2. You’re Not Happy Being Single - People put so much effort in finding someone that ticks all the boxes. Yearning for happiness but also security, safety and comfort with others, that they neglect to try and create it for themselves first. True happiness comes from within and you need happiness in the present first. Start working on becoming the things that you’re looking for in other people, and that way you are likely to either enjoy being alone more or attract someone who is a bonus to you, rather than someone to complete you.

  3. Communication Isn’t Your Thing – Communicating is hard for many people. Relationships are full of feelings and emotions, and often this gets in the way of being able to talk about what your own needs and wants are. If you can’t listen or be open to what others want from you, nor express yourself then relationships can be hard. Learning to get out of your head and to speak it and show will pay dividends. Practice this with your friends.

  4. You’re Looking For Your Perfect Soul Mate – We are all fallible, ever-changing human beings. You are never going to find perfection in someone else, and even if you did, they would probably change quite quickly. Learning to accept others for all their strengths and weaknesses and their transient nature allows you to go more with the flow of life and accept people for who they are.

  5. You Want To Be Saved - Or for that matter save someone else. We all need help and support sometimes, but in times of struggle, we’re stronger than we think. Although it all sounds very fairytale-ish to have a hero as a partner, this isn’t sustainable in normal day-to-day life. What we want to aim for us an equal partnership because that’s when connection happens. For relationships to work long term, we need to work on rescuing ourselves first.

  6. Your Intuition Is Telling You ‘No’ - Often our brain and body is whispering to us, yet we’re too busy to listen. This whisper may come in the form of feeling pressured to meet someone or your mind trying to get you out of a date. But this resistance might actually be inner you telling you that you’re not quite ready to go steady. Listen to it.

  7. You’re Obsessed With Being In A Relationship – A happy relationship should be a bonus to your life, not the be all and end all. If all you can think about is being with someone else, then that shows that you need to find some other interests in your life. Don’t look to put all your eggs in one basket. There are many areas of life apart from being a couple – go nourish them and learn about yourself.

It sounds clichéd, but a by-product of having some alone time and learning to be the best version of yourself is that you’re likely to find someone on the same frequency.

And, that’s when you’ll be ready for a relationship.

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